A Blog Inspired By:

Your thirties.
I don’t want to exaggerate and say that one hundred percent of the time that I reply to people with an honest “31” they are always surprised, but when my age comes up in conversation, there are a majority of times where people are surprised and say “you don’t look 31” and I always reply back “what does 31 look like, or what is it supposed to look like?”

Like- what ideas are we being sold by our environment?  I have seen 30 year olds who look like they went through the dry cycle one too many times, and some prime, mint conditioned, baby-faced 30 year olds… is there an agreed consensus as to what our appearance should look like at every age?
That’s where I’m going with this post. I often wonder what kind of ideas our human population is buying into about not only aging, but for topics in all areas of life. The age thing for me is just a springboard, a starting off point- then my mind wanders into a whole world of assumptions about what other things we are all buying into, sharing the beliefs and influencing even our children to believe the same bullshit…. It all starts before we can even come to our own conclusions and just exist as we are, growing inspired, influenced, and persuaded by things besides the thoughts of others…. we are fed seeds of what to think about aging, race, money, education, nature, art, style, sexuality, cultures, beauty etc. This whole process staggers our ability to learn about life and the world and the truth from our own knowing and experience. Not before long, we have an entire garden of beliefs that are intertwined, suffocating one another, entangled in ugly vines of fear. We always need to be younger, richer, more educated, more beautiful than the generations that came before us supposedly were. Everything is never good enough nor is it all attainable. What a stirring recipe of life to live in. That’s why, for me, it is so important to stay as disconnected as possible from the Matrix, keep my thoughts in check and try to decide on what I want to believe in with as many new thoughts that I have every day as I can.
I constantly say that the power of suggestion is one of the biggest and simplest lessons I learned while working at KOI. Tonight, while cleaning my room, I was listening to an audio on youtube about “auto suggestion and the subconscious mind” (https://youtu.be/VYQ5itk_Z2c) . The narrator dove into discussing how suggestive we are. He also touches on the importance of understanding how powerful our minds are when keeping us healthy internally (healing) & the necessity of maintaining positive thoughts in life (manifesting). Our minds are the central computer whose energy level highly affects us all the way down to the tiniest of cells in our bodies. The narrator then goes into speaking about how suggestible we are and the importance of constantly keeping our thoughts in check. He then goes into explaining how to use the power of suggestion on ourselves to make our lives into whatever we speak into existence, even when we at first doubt what we are speaking.
So, as I cleaned, I thought about what things are repetitively spoken to us to make it part of our reality & truth? I hate the idea that I may have grown a large section of my mental garden from the seeds that others have planted there. It makes me question how much control and influence I actually have over the power of my own life (I think we are all at different levels, some more highly influenced by their environments than others). Therefore, I find myself questioning my opinions to decide whether they are positive or negative for my future and adjusting from there… I also question others on their opinions both from the knowing that my perspective isn’t necessarily the only one. I also like to adopt the reasonable and well explained, admirable thoughts of others. And, I like to make others think about opinions they have that I may not quite understand therefore helping them to question themselves on things they may not have thought to question before. We all need to think more. Our mental laziness and need for instant gratification is affecting every other aspect of our lives, our world, as well. Be grateful to those who love you enough to challenge your beliefs, whether their questions threaten you or not, diving into your beliefs and dissecting them (even in the most uncomfortable of times) to affirm their need in your life or lack thereof is a huge and awesome way to becoming a better version of yourself tomorrow than you were today.
The narrator of the Autosuggestion video then recommends a formula to recite every night before bed “everything in every way, I am getting better, and better”. Say it at least 20 times. He suggests not keeping count consciously, but by using something like a 20x knotted string, moving from knot to knot with each repetition, to be sure to get at least 20 repetitions in. He talks about the strength in this vague and simple mantra because the mind does not need the details. So “every day in every way is going well” is sufficient enough to set up the procedure of persuasion that will carry its effects to the different organs and improve every function in our being. This has successfully cured ailments and also of minor disabilities. He speaks on how much more our subconscious knows about our body than we ever could. He touches on how insomnia is brought on by oneself. He also touches on how insecurity creates negative thoughts that affect our health.
That brings me to trying to tie this bow up and bring my thoughts full circle. Think for a second about what kind of ideas are sold to us? The ones that create weeds of fear. Insecurity, dissatisfaction, and hate can all affect us so much we age faster, get more illnesses, make less money, gain weight…. in whichever way it is, the thoughts we have manifest themselves somewhere in our bodies as well as in what we attract externally. So what ideas do you have about just a few of the aspects of life that I may have suggested at the beginning of writing my thoughts down? I certainly don’t want to buy into the ideas that are sold to us about aging, just as much as I don’t want to buy into what makes life so great and beautiful at a time when we are being sold the ugliest bits of news from the world in a constant stream of feed…. My solution is to try to stay as disconnected as possible, keep ourselves in check with that- and work on monitoring our thoughts and opinions on a daily basis.
The aging aspect of life is so inspiring to me in the way that we are sold the idea of the experience of aging. The wrinkles coming, sagging happening,problems in the bedroom, having less fun, being more “serious”, aching body, bad eyesight, losing hearing, slowing down, less playtime, hair loss, more bore, forgetfulness, grey hair, express-less, less- LIVING…. So, to fix it, we are bombarded with constant advertisement of how it is only possible to “fight the signs of aging” with this product and that product, work hard to spend the money earned on something external to satisfy us and hopefully maintain our youth, our validity- It makes me wonder, that if aging wasn’t put out there as one of the most horrific experiences ever, which of that list of nightmarish issues/ailments would we actually experience on an individual level?
What kind of thoughts or ideas are we taught to believe awful thoughts about, and how do you think they affect us all on a cellular level when we really research the domino effect of fear and negativity on our health?
We all deserve to be happy regardless of our age, race, financial situation, education, sexuality, beauty, just as we deserve to have our own thoughts about art, style, travel, culture (which is a huge factor in our belief system, so question your culture, always) and every other aspect of life. Happiness is positive energy- and positive thoughts have a higher frequency which keeps us all healthier in a world that is teaching us to stay medicated for our physical health and of course don’t forget that our mental health depends on the meds, too. Obtaining optimal health is taught to be part of some expensive and external entity- out of our control. We need them. They have the answers. This lack of understanding and belief of our power creates a lower frequency on a collective level, planting whole forests of ideas for everyone to survive off of…. take me out of that recipe, will you?

What do you think? // What topics come up that cause you to question your own beliefs, or cause you to see what things influence your truths the most? //I would love to know.

I love you, goodnight.

Violently Inclined: On TV’s Obsession with White Male Violence

girls like giants

Phoebe B.

It turns out the more televised violence you watch, the more fear of crime you develop—even if that fear is not specific to your life, family, neighborhood. Recently, the Annenberg School (USC) released the results of a study on TV violence. The study, as reported by Deadline Hollywood, “confirm[s] the effects of TV on people’s fear, but do not support the idea that people think there is actually more crime in their neighborhood.”

The study’s release was perfectly timed with Emily Nussbaum’s wonderful essay on FX’s television adaptation of Fargo. “How good does a violent drama need to be to make the pain of watching worth it?” Nussbam asks. She concludes, ultimately, that Fargo is not quite good enough to endure the violence it showcases. In a TV landscape where depictions of violence are replicating like zombies on The Walking Dead, Nussbaum’s question and the…

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It’s been so hard to finish a blog since I got home from Maui.   I feel like there’s so much to say, I just don’t know where to start, or how to feel.  Coming back to New York, I feel kind of numb. I don’t know how else it could be worded. Hmmmmpf.

From a confused J


There’s some strange sort of time reversal that happens when I sleep at my grandparents house.

I turn the light in family room out & the dim night light in the corner shines onto the bodies of furniture that inhabit this space in the same order that they have since before I was even born.  The clock over the mantel ticks just as it always has. Time. I am taken back,  for a moment in this familiarity & can nearly convince myself that I am simply on summer break from elementary school.  Soon I will wake to homemade pancakes & warm blueberry syrup, followed by Lego sessions & pool time with the neighbor Allison,  teamed with
a long carefree summer where bills don’t have to be paid,  plans don’t have to be made& everything is…..

Then I snap out of it.  Smile for a second,  thank God that I am still able to sleep at Mommom & Poppops house-  retreat from a high speed life in the city, to come back to a simple place where love & familiarity embrace me with a smile & the same warm kisses & hugs that, like the unchanged home in which the love is shared,  remains the same in this ever-altering life I seem to lead.  Thank you,  thank you.


Maui for the life changing Daily Love retreat has me freaking out!!!

So back in March I decided to open an email from the long forgotten (hadn’t read any for some time) Mastin Kipp at the dailylove.com. The subject grabbed my attention: How to feel your feelings while remaining sane! The email was great, and I sent it off to two friends immediately and returned back to reading Mastin’s blog at the end.  He wrote about having a positive perception about the bumps we hit in the road vs a negative one that will ultimately give us a negative outlook on our lives and our situations we find ourselves in.  Known, understood. I get it.  It still spoke to me for the time I was going through, though. The email always has a portion at the end which is a blog from Mastin Kipp, the site creator- and this one had a list of suggestions at the end for what he does to deal with emotions- and it went as follows:
“I have found a system that has helped me truly face my emotions and feelings instead of running from them. So I am going to give you some tips on HOW to feel your feelings and remain sane through the process:

1. Go 100% sober from your distraction of choice. For 30 days give up the cigarettes, the alcohol, the lover, the sugar and the chase.

2. Breathe – our bodies need breath in a major way. Most of us don’t breathe properly and deprive our body from this life giving source. The best way I know how to fill your body up with breath is with Kundalini Yoga. Do 3 classes a week for 30 days. It will change your life.

3. Drink up – hydrate. Dehydration can lead to all kinds of negative side effects, including depression and low energy. Drink 1 liter of ALKALINE water for every 40 lbs you weigh.

4. Exercise – Move your body 3-4 days a week for at least 30 minutes.

5. Eat an alkaline diet. This is a great way to bring your body back into alignment. I suggest reading Crazy Sexy Diet, The pH Miracle and/or The Body Ecology Diet and following them.

6. Write your feelings down every morning. Journal for 10-30 minutes in the AM and just let out how you feel on the page. Daily purging really helps.

7. Get a therapist, mentor or coach to help guide you through this process. It REALLY helps to have someone be an outside observer.

8. If you are addicted to drugs, food, alcohol or sex – get to a 12-step meeting for your addiction. Shared experience helps.

9. Only hang out with friends who uplift you. Take a break from any negative people in your life.

10. Write your goals down. Imagine your best life and write down what you really want your life to be like. Many of us have no clear vision of the kind of life we want to create and as a result, don’t create it.

11. When you start to have anxiety, sadness or any “negative” emotion, instead of reaching for the pills, the sugar or the drink, just let yourself feel your feelings. Love yourself through that process. Let yourself feel. It’s not a bad thing to get angry, sad or to cry.

It’s NORMAL and human. When we don’t let ourselves feel, we cut ourselves off from our core and The Uni-verse. It’s VITAL that you let yourself feel your feelings and not run. Remember when you’re in the middle of those gnarly feelings – this too will pass – it gets better. Be brave and feel – no more running.

12. Hang in places of high vibrations – sacred spaces, yoga studios, nature, with awesome friends, bible studies, churches, etc. Go where the Love is.”

Then, at the end, the very end of the email- there is a link for their retreats and I saw that there was one coming up for Maui in July with a limited 30 slots available.  

I was going to go shopping before work that day and I decided that I would take my time to fill out the questionnaire instead of going and wasting money. I filled it out because I had fantasized about going on one of the retreats for the past year.  I am also a point where I feel that I had done my fair share of reading self-help books and quite frankly, I am over them.  They all say the same thing.  I get it. truly.  But now, I feel that I need something deeper involving more than myself and a book.  So, like I said, I filled out the questionnaire, didn’t go shopping, went to work, and waited to see what would happen.  They emailed me about doing a follow-up interview during a limited amount of time slots.  I chose thursday night @ 7pm.  

I started thinking about what questions might come up with the interview and also discussed what I imagined a yoga retreat in Maui might cost, and assumed it would be somewhere around a scary five-thousand dollars. I was correct.

Thursday came, and I nervously anticipated my fifteen minute phone interview.   I spoke with Jill and she asked me simple questions about where I am in my life and why I want to go to Maui.  I explained about my book overload and how I have followed Mastin since the beginning of thedailylove.com, and really looked up to him because he has always reminded me of how human we all are when we are down or confused etc.  I got off of the phone and had to go back to work.  I felt insecure about being chosen as one of the 30, but also a sense of relief that I had even tried in the first place.  It had me motivated.  I still thought I was too lame to be chosen.  Low and behold!! this is what I received on the day of my best friends birthday!: 

Hi Jessie,

I am touching base to see if you got the invitation from Mastin? I talked with him last night and shared about our conversation and we would LOVE to have you join us. Please confirm you received the emil.

We loved your energy and could feel you passion and readiness to up level your life!! At this point in the process, we are almost full and you are being offered 1 of the 2 finals spots. Please make your payment in 24 hours and confirm with me ASAP.

Also, random questions, but since you will be in a double room, are you a light or heavy sleeper. I asked because one of the gals (who is darling woman) has sleep machine and I want to pair her with someone who isn’t the lightest sleeper in the world. Would this be ok for you and I can promise I will put you two in the tow queen bed room (there are only 2 like that). Personally, I am a light sleeper and my dad has sleep apnea and uses the breathing machine and when I shared a hotel with him I slept perfect. Soft sound and with ear plugs I was golden. Better than snores:) Would this work for you?

Once you make your payment I will confirm with you and send travel details.


THEN I WAS LIKE- HOLY SHIT. HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO AFFORD THIS!????? I then signed up to be a task rabbit- which I have no clue how to get jobs from, it appears that when you search for things, even old jobs are still posted, it makes no sense.  I considered all I can sell…. and I made a gofundme account- which causes one to drop their pride to reach out and ask for help from others if you’re not used to doing so.  

(and now I have to go to work. I will finish this later) 

(my apologies if it gets a bit choppy here but I came back today to finish the blog I had begun a few days ago) So prior to my first $1089 payment- I started FREAKING OUT! seriously. losing sleep. searching for other retreats- when prior to believing that I would receive a slot in the trip- I was sure I would be able to easily afford it, but warned Jill- my interviewer- that I freak out about money although I am never broke. I contacted her and talked to her about how I was feeling and she ensured me that this is a grand gift I am giving to myself and a great self-investment, which I have not done before. So I stepped fully into the notion that I am going on this trip no matter what. Strange and miraculous things had been happening since my birthday in February, and I signed up for this saying that if I was accepted, it was meant to be. There are no accidents. So to pay, I decided that the best way to be sure that I could do it was to reach out to my peers and social network via crowd funding. So here I am, honestly still stressing about money, but with a new perception about a lot of things going on in my life. It began to cleanse me the minute I was told I was accepted for the trip.
-beginning yesterday (one month out), I have to get rid of caffeine, sugar, and alcohol from my diet, and tomorrow I go to Union square for my first round of Kundalini yoga, which we all have to have knowledge of for our trip (we will be doing that 2x a day, along with eating a sugar free alkaline diet)
– After the trip, we all are made to hold each other accountable for what we spoke of involving our futures etc 🙂

I will write more soon